Can i not drive my cunt home
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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