Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
