Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dignity is for republicans.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
