he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
