She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
