I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
