I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
