Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
