So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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