The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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