We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
