did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
