ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
