Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think I won the penis lottery.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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