I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
so much tequila, so little girl.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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