how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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