the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
