In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
