remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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