He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Drunk is a universal language darling
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize