I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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