okay pat passed out under dana's car
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
