He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize