Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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