The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
