the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
