There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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