I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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