i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
