i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
