I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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