...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
