You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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