theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
