I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
