We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize