Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
