I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
