Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
