On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
third nipple confirmed
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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