nut hugger
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
