He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
