Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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