honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize