My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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