sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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