well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I checked into jail on foursquare
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
