YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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