the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
