Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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