your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
