At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
