to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I lost the right to judge tonight
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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