he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
