I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
