My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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