u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
