I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
