Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
