you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
