Your mouth is God's brothel.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
