Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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