Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
