Where did you get a picture of my penis
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
