i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
