An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
