I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
did you just send me my own nude
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
