He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
