So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
