This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
