so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
